you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
