So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
