i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
