Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
