I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
