There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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