I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
