I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
