If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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