mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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