Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
