Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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