the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
