i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
