apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
it's like iHOP with fire
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
