You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
