normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
