She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
