it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
