hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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