we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
