giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
