He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
