i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
