can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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