Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
