They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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