i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
