She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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