I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
