How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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