Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
