peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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