i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
