Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
