Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
