How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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