they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
