So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Girls should come with a carfax report
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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