girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
