You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
