i just wanna soil my oats bro
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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