Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
