I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
