Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We have started to decorate penises.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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