im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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