I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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