Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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