I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
