Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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