you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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