Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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