I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
