I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
