Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
