we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He had one of those small greek statue penises
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
did i just pee glitter
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
